I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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