Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
