I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
