Im at strip club and am horny
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
