how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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