I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
