I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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