it was like his penis was on wheels.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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