I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
