You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
