I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
