i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
