I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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