Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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