I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
