you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
