i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
