My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
