so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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