My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
