You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
