it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
