Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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