Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
there was a trapeze. enough said
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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