I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
