so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
