i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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