cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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