So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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