Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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