Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
