Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
