I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
my liver is dry heaving
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
