I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
