Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
