One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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