trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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