i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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