I swear she didn't look like that last week.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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