Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i just made my gag reflex go away.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
