He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
