tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
