Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
