Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
