Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
