I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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