Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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