your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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