you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
well I can't set my house on fire every night
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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