living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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