I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
