going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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