tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Randomize
