i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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