Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize