Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Randomize
