I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
